ERROR: Macro njDefaultArticleHeader is missing!

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

Marcus & Millichap completes sale in Garfield

By Mario Marroquin
June 28, 2017 10:27 AM

Commercial real estate firm Marcus & Millichap recently announced it has completed the sale of an eight-unit apartment in Garfield for $1.5 million from a limited liability company to a private investor. CONTINUE READING

Interpace signs pact with Aetna for thyroid tests

By NJBIZ STAFF
June 28, 2017 11:29 AM

Interpace Diagnostics Group Inc., a Parsippany-based diagnostic test company, has signed a national contract with Aetna to provide a pair of molecular tests for thyroid nodules. CONTINUE READING

advertisement

Cooper opens Runnemede urgent care center

By Anjalee Khemlani
June 28, 2017 09:49 AM

Cooper University Health Care opened a new urgent care center in Runnymede. CONTINUE READING

C&K, =SPACE open Newark coworking space

By Mario Marroquin
June 27, 2017 10:11 AM

At 2 Gateway Center in Newark, C&K Properties and =SPACE recently opened Public SPACE, a coworking space for tech-oriented and digital creative entrepreneurs. CONTINUE READING

Chubb names EVP to oversee management liability unit

By Eric Strauss
June 27, 2017 10:43 AM

Property and casualty insurer Chubb, which has its U.S. headquarters in Whitehouse Station, has named an executive vice president to lead its private/not-for-profit management liability business, it announced Monday. CONTINUE READING

Retro Fitness hires chief operations officer

By Eric Strauss
June 27, 2017 12:59 PM

Retro Fitness, the Colts Neck-based franchiser of low-cost gyms, announced Tuesday it has named its first chief operations officer. CONTINUE READING

Sitex Group completes purchases in Englewood, West Caldwell

By Mario Marroquin
June 26, 2017 01:41 PM

In an effort to expand its industrial footprint in northern New Jersey, commercial real estate firm Sitex Group has purchased two assets, at 205 Jackson St., Englewood, and 40 Fairfield Place, West Caldwell. CONTINUE READING

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:
advertisement

Comments


Be the first to comment.



Please note: All comments will be reviewed and may take up to 24 hours to appear on the site.

Post Comment
     View Comment Policy
advertisement
ERROR: Macro defaultSidebar is missing!
ERROR: Macro footer_top is missing!
Back to Top