ERROR: Macro njDefaultArticleHeader is missing!

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

HFF sells waterfront site in Edgewater

By Mario Marroquin
July 20, 2017 11:37 AM

Commercial real estate firm Holliday Fenoglio Fowler recently announced it closed the sale of a 1.73-acre site along the Hudson River in Edgewater. CONTINUE READING

Edison-based Jersey Paper acquired by Imperial Dade

By Emily Bader
July 19, 2017 02:49 PM

Imperial Dade announced Wednesday it has acquired Edison-based JPC Enterprises Inc., trading as Jersey Paper Plus. CONTINUE READING

advertisement

Chubb names EVP, life sciences industry practice leader

By Emily Bader
July 19, 2017 11:57 AM

Whitehouse Station-based Chubb announced it has named Lee Farrow executive vice president and life sciences industry practice leader for North America, effective immediately. CONTINUE READING

Trademark Management inks lease in Wall Township

By Mario Marroquin
July 19, 2017 11:25 AM

Commercial real estate firm Sheldon Gross Realty recently announced it brokered a lease for Trademark Management Group. CONTINUE READING

JLG selects ORBCOMM for end-to-end telematics solutions for global equipment fleets

By Emily Bader
July 18, 2017 01:40 PM

ORBCOMM Inc., a provider of M2M and IoT solutions, announced Tuesday that JLG Industries Inc., an Oshkosh Corporation company, has selected ORBCOMM to provide an end-to-end telematics platform for its global fleet of aerial work platforms. CONTINUE READING

New Mountain Capital to partner with Sparta Systems

By Emily Bader
July 17, 2017 11:12 AM

Hamilton-based Sparta Systems Inc., a provider of management system software, announced Monday it will partner with New Mountain Capital LLC, an investment firm based in New York. CONTINUE READING

1WorldSync names CEO, managing director

By Emily Bader
July 17, 2017 11:33 AM

CONTINUE READING

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:
advertisement

Comments


Be the first to comment.



Please note: All comments will be reviewed and may take up to 24 hours to appear on the site.

Post Comment
     View Comment Policy
advertisement
ERROR: Macro defaultSidebar is missing!
ERROR: Macro footer_top is missing!
Back to Top