ERROR: Macro njDefaultArticleHeader is missing!

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

BAYADA Home Health Care names CEO

By Emily Bader
August 17, 2017 01:20 PM

Moorestown-based BAYADA Home Health Care announced Thursday it has appointed David Baiada as its CEO, succeeding his father and company founder Mark Baiada, who is transitioning to the role of chairman. CONTINUE READING

Roka Bioscience to sell assets to IEH for $17.5M

By NJBIZ STAFF
August 17, 2017 10:53 AM

Warren-based Roka Bioscience Inc., a molecular diagnostics company, announced Thursday it has entered into an asset purchase agreement with Rokabio Inc., a newly-formed, wholly-owned subsidiary of Institute for Environmental Health Inc., for the sale of substantially all the assets of Roka Bioscience for $17.5 million. CONTINUE READING

advertisement

Beavex inks lease in East Rutherford

By Mario Marroquin
August 17, 2017 01:57 PM

Commercial real estate firm NAI James E. Hanson announced it has brokered the leasing of 24,488 square feet at 343 Murray Hill Parkway in East Rutherford. CONTINUE READING

Chubb names North American house counsel manager

By Emily Bader
August 17, 2017 01:39 PM

Whitehouse Station-based Chubb announced Wednesday it has named Liz Daly senior vice president and house counsel manager for its North American claims organization. CONTINUE READING

Weichert Commercial Brokerage announces new VP

By Mario Marroquin
August 17, 2017 01:25 PM

Commercial real estate brokerage firm Weichert Commercial Brokerage recently announced Faith Miller has joined the firm’s Edison office to serve as vice president. CONTINUE READING

House of Wine & Liquor adds location in Woodbridge

By Mario Marroquin
August 16, 2017 12:27 PM

CONTINUE READING

W2O Sentient adds industry leaders to its leadership team

By Emily Bader
August 16, 2017 01:38 PM

CONTINUE READING

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:

Binders full of women and other reasons to keep Mitt around

By

Back to Top Comments Email Print

Latest News

advertisement

I don’t know how I feel about Mitt Romney as a president, but I do love him as a candidate, and I wish he could run every year.

Thanks to the neverending news cycle, which has stations running countdown clocks on the debate and includes CNN offering a live wire on undecided voters, we’ve been subjected to Romney winning the longest game of “Survivor” to get the nomination, and we’ve been treated to so many sound bytes from candidates that are so wooden, you expect them to start shedding leaves in the coming weeks. But Romney really has a gift for waking me from an apathetic haze (which is at least partly the fault of Irish whiskey, I suppose) and laughing along at the punch lines.

I really thought Romney hit a high-water mark in the first debate, when he said he’d fire Big Bird and essentially told Jim Lehrer he was next on the chopping block, even though Lehrer did more to help Romney in that debate than even the professorial, disengaged Barack Obama. But when a Mormon is onstage talking about binders full of women, you know you’ve struck paydirt.

So while I’m not excited about President Romney — although I’m about as thrilled with his opponent — I am really a fan of candidate Romney, especially since he’s reinvented himself so often that he’s on pace to have more patents than Thomas Edison by Election Day. But what would he do in the four — OK, two — years between presidential elections? Here are some ideas, Mitt, in case you lose:

– “X Factor” judge. Not that I really think he’d be a great judge of singing voices, but I would love to hear him interrupt Simon Cowell in mid-diatribe, then insist on having the last word on each performer because someone else got to go first.

– “Sesame Street” character. Don’t you think “Sesame Street” needs a lovable accountant-type figure to bring a sense of morality to young viewers? Like, say all the characters were going to have a surprise party for the letter “P,” and Mitt shows up at the last minute and tells them that, due to budget cuts, not only is the party off, but Elmo and Grover need to share a room and Oscar will have to move out?

– Starbucks barista. There’s something very Romney about being inside a Starbucks — the worldwide corporate giant posing as a mom-and-pop roaster. I think it would be great to have him overhear you complaining about how slow the line is moving, and hear him offer his five-point plan on how to get people their triple shot, no whip, extra dry latte up to five minutes faster without raising taxes.

– Running mate to Chris Christie. The only downfall to this is we would never see a debate between Romney and Joe Biden, which might be a good thing, since such a debate likely would be the mathematic equivalent of dividing by zero.

I’m even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.

Share This Story On:
advertisement

Comments


Be the first to comment.



Please note: All comments will be reviewed and may take up to 24 hours to appear on the site.

Post Comment
     View Comment Policy
advertisement
ERROR: Macro defaultSidebar is missing!
ERROR: Macro footer_top is missing!
Back to Top