I had really hoped the whole Chick-Fil-A mess would blow over by now, and I wouldn't have to write about it. But since it's on the front page of every newspaper in New Jersey, I suppose I have to write about it.

For those of you living under a rock, here's a primer on the story, which seems to be more manufactured than the chickens served in the restaurants. Just because you have religious beliefs, like the Cathy family, doesn't mean you can't succeed in business; it just means it will be harder to do so. And the company has never been shy about its family values, citing them as a reason its restaurants are closed on Sundays.

Where you get into trouble is when you give media statements defending that stance on family values, and donate millions to groups working to keep gay marriage off the books. Makes it tough to sell a tasty chicken sandwich when you're busily taking part in denying basic rights to people, a message you'd think they'd be clear on, since their ad campaign is all about the power of messages. Now, instead of focusing on attracting customers, the family is caught in sixth circle of PR hell as both sides scream over one another on an unrelated issue.

Of course, it's only gotten more difficult with the mayors of big cities, like Boston and Chicago, publicly waging war on the fried chicken sandwich; ironically, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who would love to put a tax on fatty food like fried chicken, said a ban on the restaurants is inappropriate. Apparently, disease, poverty, drugs, illegal parking, loud music, gun violence, rape, graffiti, long lines at the post office, high rents, smog, decaying infrastructure and Starbucks oversaturation have been solved in these meccas, leaving only such mundane concerns as whether to allow Chick-Fil-A to come to town.

I'm surprised, in this age of reason and tolerance, that people could possibly I'm sorry, that can't even be typed with a straight face. If you're offended by the company's stance on gay marriage, please vote with your wallet, and tell city hall to mind its own business. If you're one of those people who waved signs at the support Chick-Fil-A events or actually own and wear a shirt like this guy, please, go back to your indoors high-speed Internet connections before reality can disgust you again.

I'm even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.