What's in a name? In N.Y. sports, 'ets' nothing

By Joe Arney

I was giving serious thought to the New York sporting scene at work yesterday, mainly because that's more fun than listening to myself on our weekly podcast, when it hit me all of a sudden: All of the also-rans in New York end in "-ets."

It's true. Rather than devote this space to something thought provoking and intelligent, because then you might come to expect such a thing, let's have a look.

– The Jets, notable both for the drunken Bourbon Street-wannabes who expect women to take off their tops in mid-December and the fact that their backup quarterback is the most devout Christian since Jesus Christ, all popes included. Meanwhile, the rival Giants have managed to win two Super Bowls in five years, despite the handicap of letting Eli Manning play quarterback.

– The Mets. Sometimes, they are called the "Amazin' Mets," based on their 1986 World Series performance, but the nickname was given by sportswriters who were tired of typing "Stupefyin', Horrifyin', Frustratin', Rage-Inducin', Face-Palmin' Hand-Wringin' Red Sox" over and over again. While the crosstown Yankees are a symbol of money, confidence and a stadium that yields too many home runs, the Mets' mascot, Mr. Met, looks a bit like Bernie Madoff without hair.

– And then, of course, the Nets. Are they even a second fiddle? Does this orchestra of a city have enough instruments to have a second fiddle? The Nets are moving to a hipster paradise that shuns things like organized sports in favor of fedoras, PBR and thick-framed eyewear. I'm sure that little experiment will go well. But hey, full marks for choosing a minimalist black-and-white logo to please the home crowd. I'm sure the other team is making a mess in its knickers just thinking about it.

The only exception in town is in hockey, where the Islanders play bridesmaid to the Rangers. However, since Mike Milbury and Charles Wang have effectively destroyed the team, perhaps it's time for a new name

Maybe they could become the Regrets.

I'm even more irreverent on Twitter @joe_arney.